this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
is it fun? or sober?
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