You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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