He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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