well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
