Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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