its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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