I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
