My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
