Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
