Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
