the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
