But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
