dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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