i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
