Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
