if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
