sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
