Umm I'm too high to move.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize