I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
