i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
