Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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