If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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