I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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