I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
