I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it's great music for shaving your balls
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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