I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
