Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
