The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You were trust falling into bushes
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Success! We fucked roommates!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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