you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it's great music for shaving your balls
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
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