I want to have your abortion
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's just like the Real World with babies
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
