shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
