...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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