i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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