I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize