didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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