Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
40s are totally the cure
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize