just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
