Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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