he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
