I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
