there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
