That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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