I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
