I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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