somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
