no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize