Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Congratulations! We have a period
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
