why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
