so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
