You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
