the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
