Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
