it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
