ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize