So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
