I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
