if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
