Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
