I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
