I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
