I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We just shotgunned beers for America
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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