Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
