Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
