The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
