what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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