is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
