Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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