I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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